Disappointing

I talked to my mom last night. Told her about my chemistry mark. It's not great, but I worked really hard for it. I have a 71. She was disappointed in me. I don't want to go home for Easter now. I probably would just say I need to study and stay here, except that I want to see my dad.

I have 90s in all my other classes. (I think. Definitely 85 or higher). But my mom has been telling me my marks aren't good enough since about grade 7 or 8.

I'm angry at her. What am I supposed to do, tell her she's not thin enough? Because she is definitely overweight, if not obese. Tell her that walking on the treadmill at 0.5 miles per hour doesn't count as exercise? I bet she just wants me to eat so I'll be fat too. Misery loves company, right? I need to remember that this weekend. No food for me. Have to get down two pounds by the time I get back.

The only trouble is that between 3 pm and 9pm is my time of weakness. I'll be getting home at about 8 tonight, so it'll be right in the window. I think I will brush and floss really well before leaving here though, that really helped last night. I just thought about how clean my teeth were and didn't want to a) make them dirty and b) brush them again (and also eat too much and get fat)

If I get about 100% on my chemistry exam I can get an 82 in the class. I just need to focus and work hard for the next week and a half. Unlike this whole weightloss thing, which is a lifestyle and I'm going to have to keep it up forever. (I don't mean an eating disorder is a lifestyle; it's a mental illness (that I don't have). I just mean that if you want to be skinny, you have to maintain the exercise and calorie levels you did when you lost the weight.)

Stay strong today.

Best way to not get fat from eating too much (ie binging?): don't put it in your mouth in the first place.