Hi
I am tired today. I can feel myself slipping back into how it used to be. But I'm losing weight, so I'm finding it really hard to care.
I'm turning into a bit of a zombie, maybe from lack of food. I was doing so good today, and then I screwed up! It wasn't that bad, probably not even over 1000 calories.  (burrito:290, apple: 70, sweet potato: 200? vegan margarine: 200?) And I burned at least 350 today (+ the 2000 or so I burn everyday). I'm spacy and numb and finding it hard to focus. Food consumes my thoughts. Calories. Exercise. Weight. You know the drill.
Maybe I am just tired. Maybe that's all I need is a good sleep. A REALLY good sleep. Not sure if I should medicate or not. Sometimes that helps but sometimes not.
Only one more week in my current living arrangement. Pretty excited.
But also terrified. I'm slipping back into this and my friend roommate is also trying to lose weight. I don't want this to become a competition; what if I lose?
But she exercises... I want to but already ran today. And went to the gym. And walked home.
And as far as I know, she hasn't eaten today. I shouldn't have. I can't remember if I mentioned this already, but yesterday, we talked about what I have eaten.
I worry that over the summer, it will be just this. But I NEED a break. I want to just be able to do what I want, without being influenced or influencing anybody else.
Gotta be strong. I find Iron Jawed Angels to be a really inspiring movie, in just the right way. Youtube it if you haven't seen it. It's more about women's rights than eating disorders, but I like that. But obviously it's still... relevant? I had a teacher that used to say "It's worthy of your attention." It is.
I need to go study and stuff before the food wears off and I am a zombie again. I wish I didn't need it.
In other news... I am slipping up with the cutting again. I need to keep trying. Someday, I want to be able to wear a bikini. Or maybe let somebody see me naked or something :P
Also... My goal pants fit :) On to goal pants number 2! (see later post)
That's all. Take care of yourselves