Flashback: Spring 2009. Lunch hour
My friend asked me to take her to Walmart at lunch. We were in high school, grade 12. She was "trying to gain weight" (not sure how true this was. She was 88 lbs, and at least 5'2", but maybe more like 5'6"?). I tried to give her some privacy as she looked at meal replacements/diet aids/supplements and talked to the pharmacist. She was later hospitalized/feeding tube/ away for 2 months. Ended up having to repeat a year. I just remember her saying things like "wow, you're so skinny" and asking how much I weighed at a trip to the beach.
At that time, I didn't even have a scale, but I was 50-60 lbs heavier than her lightest. I don't know if she had body dysmorphia or was just saying that. I feel like I should have done more to help her. I remember the last time we went to the beach together. It was after she got back from hospital (she was there I think March-may or something), in September right before I left for university. She was clearly struggling. She told me that the doctors wanted her to weigh 130-135.
Friday:
My friend has decided to lose weight (different friend). We went to the grocery store together, she looked at meal replacement shakes while I wandered around the area, trying to give her some privacy. Weird. Anyway, it is probably healthy for her to lose weight, and she talks a lot about getting healthy/eating healthy and stuff... But I feel like that's code for getting skinny.
She exercises all the time and seems to hardly eat. When she does, I think she tries to mimic my eating. (Safe foods lately: vegetables, tofu, brown rice. And whatever lowest calorie sauce I can find. I hardly ever even use oil to cook the veggies/tofu. I suppose it's better than eating 100 calories of candy/day... PS I know I eat more than 100 calories. The tofu alone is about 500, the rice is probably also 500 and the veggies are probably like... 100-200... + about 100 in sauces. Over the whole day. I'd say that's a pretty healthy diet.)
Anyway. Super triggering. I HAVE to be the skinny one in this thing. Just need to focus... Lose slowly. Somehow I have managed to eat about 1200 monday... But I think it was a lot of salt or something, because I literally gained over 6 lbs overnight. On 1200 calories. So that triggered binges all week and I have come out on the other side... about 1lb lighter than the start. WTF? But I'm not complaining.
Hearing about her exercise all the time makes me want to exercise more. We have gone for long walks (like an hour+) the last 3 days. I have an old knee injury that really makes it hard to do alot of running and walking. It's ok as long as I don't over use it and stretch a lot, but lately I think I am pushing the limits. Losing weight will help with the load on it though.
I just need to control what I eat better. God, I'm going to be a mess at Easter. I have given up counting calories for a while. I think it makes me eat more, but at the same time I'm a little scared of going too low. But I guess I'll worry about that when I'm 120 or less :)
I know how you feel about being the "skinny" friend. The group I hang in I was the second skinniest for a long time. would never be the skinniest. she is like 5 ft 2 inches and maybe 100 lbs. but i was happy with second place. Now some how I am the fattest of everyone WTF when did that happen now I am trying everything I can to loss it but nothing is working. I think your test scores are great sorry your mom is hounding you.
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