Searching

The sun is beating down. I can feel my neck burning. I always forget to wear sunscreen on it, since my hair was always long enough to keep the sun off. And then I cut it all off, trying to change into a new girl.

The sand beneath me is hot and bright white in the sun.  Sweat beads on my forehead, pools on my back. I have to keep sifting through the sand. It slips through my fingers too easily. I can feel what I'm looking for just in my hands and then it slides away again.
I stop for a minute, lift my hair off my forehead and scrape it back into a ponytail. I want to forget this, to swim out in the ocean and never come back. At least it will be cool there.

I squint down the beach, into the sun. Someone is walking towards me. I wait while she approaches.

It's a girl, sixteen years old. She has beautiful blue eyes and  long blond hair. She is curvy in a way that has never known starvation or binge eating.
"You have to keep looking," she says. "Please. It's important."
"I'm tired," I say, "I can't find anything."
She gives me a backpack. "Here."
I take it from her and set it down in the sand, kneeling to open it and look in. Surprised at what I find, I look back up at her, but she's already walking back the way she came.

I've found it. I'm not sure what to do with it yet, but I've found it. The bag is full of old pictures, letters, cds and teddy bears. Gifts from another lifetime, the few things that didn't get thrown away just before I cut my hair.

It's hard to look at, but its worth it if I find the things I need.