Still here

A few days ago, I ran 7 km! Pretty proud of myself :) It took me like an hour though, that could probably get better.

I am doing well. I spent the last few days with my grandmother making pickles and relish. She has the best stories about the "good ole days". We worked together, I made her some pie crusts (her hands are too arthritic to make the dough), we talked. Towards the end of the weekend, she said something about making pickles next year "if we're both still alive". I think she may know something I don't. When I went to see her, she seemed a bit depressed and she said I love you everytime I left, even though it was just for the night. That's not really weird I guess, it's just something in the way she said it.

The women in my family I think have some kind of psychic gift or something. My grandma always knows when someone passes away. She hears a knock at the door and then gets the news a bit later. She sees ghosts sometimes too. My mom and her sisters do too, and my cousin. And we all have dreams about the future that come true. I haven't been getting these though. I used to all the time, but since being with psycho ex, I mostly just have nightmares about him. I learned something that I find kind of troubling too.

Since I was a little girl, I would often wake up in the night and see things. A monster in the hallway, a man standing near my bed. Sometimes the man would just stand there, sometimes he'd look at me, sometimes he'd have a gun. My mom always told me I was just dreaming and turn on the light and they'd go away. She was right, mostly. I sometimes still sleep with a nightlight.

A few weeks ago, when we were in Ireland, I had this dream. There was a man standing outside the hotel bathroom. I looked away, thinking it was my dad, (it wasn't) and when I looked back he was gone.The next morning at breakfast, a girl I was travelling with said she saw a person standing outside their bathroom door too. It makes me wonder if maybe the things I see are real and not dreams. They are terrifying either way.

Well, I guess I should get to bed if I want to run in the morning. I hope I didn't scare you. Goodnight