It is very frustrating. I was doing very very well today and then my mom insisted that I eat supper with the family and then I binged. I hate the feeling of losing control that comes with binge eating. I hate that it makes me feel like I was hungry and weak and cold all day for nothing. I didn't even get rid of it by exercising...
Today:
toast (80)
grapes (100)
Apple juice (60)
candy (20)
stir fry and rice (800)
peanut butter/bread (1000)
Overall, i suppose it could have been worse...
Things to remember:
- Eating large amounts makes me feel... heavy and full of food, depressed, out of control, angry
- Eating large amounts = being fat/not losing weight
- Eating large amounts means they win
- Not eating makes me feel light and mentally strong and somewhat in control
- Not eating willl make me skinny, if I do it enough (by not eating I mean eating as little as possible)
7 minutes until it's a new day. I'm ready this time. Tomorrow will definitely be harder.
I have a new plan, new goal weights, all that. I'm not going to post it though because it will probably change again. Except this: any small calorie deficit, if kept up over time will result in weightloss. I intend to be 120 lbs by my 20th birthday and get there by having a 400 calorie deficit every day. This should help me lose slow enough that it's somewhat healthy and maintainable.
I am a little hungry again. That must be good I guess, hopefully it means I'm using up all the calories i ate.
Tomorrow can be different... It will be. It has to be.
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