I want to cut. I am doing ok. I spent half an hour at the police station today, I had a good day at work. I hate this violence and death and pain filled world.  I'm going on vacation tomorrow. I want to carve up my skin until I can't feel anything. I am excited for that. My goldfish died. I spent well over 800$ on a new fish tank. It was a huge mistake. I never should have even got the fish two years ago.
Stupid girl, fat whore, I hate you i hate you i hate you.
Stupid, loser stupid bitch. You deserved every bad thing in the world. You deserve everything that's happened to you so far. Want to know why? Because you're fat. Because you're lazy. Because you're undisciplined. Can't do anything right. Stupid whore. Loser, lost.


I am thinking about going back into counselling.
There's a free program at the hospital, about ten minutes away from work.
But I have to call to make an appointment.
The thoughts in my head scare me. I just want to be free. I don't want anymore pain.
I want to fly and fly and fly, like a wandering albatross. Never touch the ground.