So this morning I weighed in at 144! It may possibly be a fluke though. Yesterday, I had a job interview. At the time I thought it went well, but now thinking about it, I don't know if it did. I'm so stressed about it!! What if I don't get the job and then they take too long to call me back and then I don't even get my old job back and then I'm just stuck here all summer doing nothing?!?!?
Those are the thoughts that were in my head last night. I had a hard time sleeping.
And after the interview, just when these thoughts were settling in, I had to go grocery shopping. I ended up buying a pack of licorice and eating almost the whole thing in the car. Almost 1000 calories!!! And all sugar too. At least binging on cereal I feel that at least I've gotten some nutrients out of it, so I'll be fat and healthy. I think the reason I binged was because of the stress of the job interview. Next time I'm in a stressful situation I could: take a few deep breaths, go running (if possible), try the relaxing exercises my counsellor gave me a few months ago, cut if absolutely necessary (all 3 of the others didn't work).
I wanted to exercise it off so badly!! But I didn't. Apparently when you're trying to recover from a binge/purge cycle, you need to break the cycle by not purging after you binge and then not bingeing. So I went to work for three hours, and came home. I stayed up for a bit and by the time I went to sleep I was already getting a little hungry! Then when I woke up this morning I was really hungry! (It was like 5 am though so I went back to sleep for a while). So for breakfast I had a bowl of Raisin bran with soymilk. And I'm going to have a normal lunch and supper too. (smallish though, so that maybe I can still lose weight?)
I think I might be getting a bit better, with respect to the binge eating. I just need to not eat outside of mealtimes and not eat alone. Working would help with this.
Skinny food! (Meaning food I ate when I was skinny)
Breakfast
-grapefruit
-oatmeal
-coffee (only sometimes, with just a tiny bit of vanilla soymilk)
-1/3 to 1/2 bowl raisin bran with vanilla soymilk (we have giant bowls, so it was probably about a serving)
Lunch
- whatever leftover veggies there were from supper
-fruit (watermelon, grapes, cherries, apple, banana, orange) - a few of these, not all
-almonds
Supper
This is where I used to get out of control and have a mini-binge of 800 to 1000 calories. I guess just try to act normal and eat whatever the family is eating but in smaller portions.
I think what I need, is more fat and protein and less carbs. I love carbs though!! They're so easy to make, and a lot of vegan food is carb-y.
Exercise:
work (8 hours of cleaning/walking = 1000+ calories burned)
biking (40 mins, 10 km)
running - I had to stop towards the middle of the summer, I got too weak and it was too hot. But I used to run with my dog. I thought it was 4 km ish, but yesterday I ran it with a pedometer and it said 1.2 miles. That can't be right...
whatever exercise I could fit in: squats, lunges in the bathroom or anytime alone.
Not sure what to do with myself today. I'll find something I'm sure, that involves burning calories and occupying me from bingeing. Maybe I'll help my brother with some farm related manual labour. Either way, I need to get out of bed.
Have a lovely day :)
No comments:
Post a Comment