Venting

About everything and everybody. I am in a ridiculously crabby mood today. Some combination of PMS and tiredness.

Our house is so messy. I hate living like this. I just want it to be clean and tidy. And I'm terrified that next year it's going to be EXACTLY the same...

My roommate (the one I mentioned a while ago) is being... irritating? No. I don't know what. But she seems to have excuses for everything from not doing the dishes to not exercising to not eating healthy. She's a lovely person and I'm terrible for thinking this. Maybe I'm just a little mad that she would ask to eat together. Not mad. Freaked out?
 This whole apartment hunting thing is taking a toll on me. I just want us to find a place to live. And I'm kinda not impressed that she automatically gets the bigger room because she has more stuff. I think we should decide some other way. And I'm the one who finds these places, who calls, sets up appointments and all that stuff and she's like I don't have time for anything... I feel terrible for saying this kind of thing, because she's one of my best friends and a great person.
She is also using my computer charger (which isn't a big deal, I offered) because hers died. Her dad ordered her another one and it's supposed to get here tomorrow or the next day. It bothers me how dependent she still is on them. They apply for jobs for her, cook for her (and freeze it and send it here), even do her schoolwork for her sometimes (like research and things). Maybe I'm just jealous, that they obviously care and everything. I don't know. But I'm pretty sure that's how she didn't learn to manage time. For example, my parents don't do any of that stuff for me. They never have really. I've been cooking for the family since before I was 10, staying home alone all the time by 11. (Don't get me wrong: they're great and didn't neglect me or anything, or beat me and lots of the time, they did the cooking). And now, I somehow manage to get all my homework done (and do reasonably well on it), cook, exercise, keep my room clean and laundry done, apply (and maybe get? Yay!) a decent job. My parents have always pushed me to do better, you know? I've been working since I was 15, at some points up to three or four jobs. She has been working since... after grade eleven or twelve?

I'm worried about not living at home next year. For reasons that I will maybe talk about in a later post.

So I have a decent calorie count for the day, if I can not screw it up now. But my roommate, so far today has had a big plate of rice and vegetables and veggie burger, as well as an orange. Trying to eat less than her is huge motivation.
God, I really am a terrible person aren't I? I calculated this morning... I can be 135 in a month. Which would be decent. And then I hope to maintain between 125 and 130. And 135 is my panic number, that I hope to never weigh more than again.

I feel better. I think. :)